Diddly Squat Pigs Might Fly

After three years, Jeremy Clarkson has discovered the golden rule of farming:

whatever you hope will happen, won't.

Enthusiastic schemes to diversify face defeat at the hands of the Council Planning department, or derision from Kaleb. Jeremy's plans for a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup are doubted by Lisa. And the stifling thickets of red tape keep only one person smiling – Cheerful Charlie, who charges by the hour.

But the animals couldn’t be happier. A rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro is delighting the cows. The pigs are bringing home the bacon. And the goats are . . . most probably psychopaths.

Yet on the good days it hard not to be optimistic.

Where else do you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner?

Maybe it’s not just Break-heart Maestro who gets a happy ending?